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by Angel Johnston

A look into fearless nipple freedom and press releases.

First off, I’d like to say that it’s okay to pop those sweater puppets out no matter who you are. On the other hand, seeing media outlets tout picture perfect celebrities with personal trainers and eraser nipples as if they stormed the beaches of Normandy with your grandpa might be a stretch.

When you look up the Free the Nipple Movement, you get a slew of posts ranging from festival goers, to models and actresses, bearing naked chest to illustrate the profane double standard that men are allowed to show their nipples and women aren’t. Hell, men’s nipples don’t even make sense. At least women’s nipples have a purpose. The goal is to remove the double standard of censoring female breasts. There are a few different ways ideally that the movement could propel change.  

I personally think that it is and should be about coming to a place as a society where we don’t view breasts as indecent. A place where men don’t get plum apey when women take their shirts off and women can feel safe being free in their own skin.

Some women say it’s about taking off your shirt where men are allowed to do the same in a public area or being free to post nude pictures on Instagram. Others say it’s about having the freedom to feed your baby whenever and wherever they’re hungry and others still say it’s simply about equality. 

What gets me is when women get it into their heads that they’re heroes because they dared to drop tank. Really all they’re doing is opening a portal to a bunch of dudes (and ladies) that want to jerk off to them. These celebrities’ delusions muddy real points they’re trying to make and those points fall on deaf ears.

It’s a certain age group who’s obsessed with the movement. If a girl my age or under is expressing the desire for all women to free their nips, she is almost always keen to jump up and down and say Coachella is a true revolution and it was awesome this year!

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Why are these the women we are putting up on a pedestal?

If you want to talk courage, let’s hoist Diane Keaton as brave for going full frontal in “Something’s Gotta Give” or Kathy Bates for her topless scene in “About Schmidt” Seriously, why do older women get naked in Jack Nicholson movies? (Not complaining). My point is, if you don’t care when someone who doesn’t fit the systematic image of Hollywood beauty gets naked, then why the hell is it so important when someone who is “pretty” pops a titty out?  The very notion of nudity as bravery should be an insult to women. If a woman isn’t comfortable being nude should we call her a coward? No? Then why is the opposite brave?

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Photo Derek Wanker

Where do men stand in all of this? If women are brave for taking off shirts, would a man be brave if he freed his dong? Not the whole dong of course, but just the neck? Or just his testicles? I’m only proposing that men Free the Dong as an act of “bravery” and solidarity alongside women. It gets hot up in those britches and humankind needs equality, after all.

I personally love the movement. I love boobies. I love nudity period. I think we should be comfortable expressing ourselves in an effort to create a world that stops seeing breasts as indecent.

But, when someone puts out a heavily photoshopped image of nudity as a part of the movement, we need to look through the thin heroic veil and see it for what it really is; an advertisement, not unlike someone starting a charity to help flood victims, but keeping the money for themselves.

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Cover photo source has been taken down because Instagram still doesn’t allow female nipples.

by Angel Johnston
Angel is a contributing author to Austin Food Magazine and Dojozine. She lives in Austin with her 2 snarky cats and her dildo, Dr. Virginia Masters

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