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It’s pretty easy really. Just follow a couple of rules and you’ll be enjoying a show in a slightly different, potentially more concentrated head state. Or if you’re like me, you’ll just have a panic attack and leave or drink it away like a dying, land-ridden trout gasping for air. Either way, you’re gonna have a better time.

1. Sneaking It In
You’re going to want to lubricate your pipe and insert it into you anal cavity. Take it out. Did that feel good? May or may not be for you. Depending on where your going, security usually isn’t that aggressive. Your shoe, inner coat pockets, smaller pouches in your purse or backpack. Just bring something cheap so if you get caught and have to toss it, it’s not a huge deal.

2. What to Bring
Bring a joint, one hitter, vape pen or something small. Make a larger stash in your car trunk or an outer perimeter or elsewhere in close proximity to the venue, but don’t bring a large amount of weed on you. Vape pens, will let you smoke weed almost anywhere. This next level douche technology could have your blowing smoke rings in Joe Biden’s stupid Vice Presidential face in the arcade at the White House.


3. Identify the Weakness
Look at the security guards. Most likely, one of them does not give a fuck about life. Happens every time. He is staring into space, thinking about how he watched Soaked in Bleach last night. Man… did Courtney do it? Or, is the person in front of you getting a full 9/12 style TSA rubdown and body cavity search? You will too. Don’t go to them.

4. Incognito is the Name of the Game
Don’t do it in the bathroom. That’s where people do their coke. Don’t do it along the outer parameter of the crowd, employees will be more likely to spot you. The goal is to be in the middle of the action. Check your parameter, make sure no one is stealing second. Does the guy next to you have a bad mustache? Yes? Is he dressed like he comes from a different time or like he’s about to assault a minority for no reason? If it’s the former, no worries. He is just what society identifies as a hipster. If it’s the latter, he may be a police officer. Don’t smoke weed in front of him. If you’re in the clear, let it rip.

Disclaimer: I have no idea what I’m talking about. Smoking weed is definitely illegal. I’m not responsible if you get arrested.

Did we forget something? Probably. Add your tips below.

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